I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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