these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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