I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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