Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
