If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
As shirtless as possible
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
