I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
