I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
When did angry sex become our thing?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
