we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
