He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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