Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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