Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
you made out with another girl for some wings
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
