There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
