My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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