I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
