he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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