dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
