To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
