I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
