if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
