Please, let me fuck your mom
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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