I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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