worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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