We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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