wanna go halves on a baby?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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