Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
