OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
