I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
