On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
His nipple licking is glorious
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