I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
