my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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