He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
