Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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