I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
