"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
NoShamevember. You game?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
