just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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