Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
