Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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