the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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