I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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