Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
