Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
