I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
