You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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