You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
