one might say we're banned from that church
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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