I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
