Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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