And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
