my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
