She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
