you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
