I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
