dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i now understand why vodka
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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