he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize