I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
