I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
