can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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