i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
