How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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