NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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