dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
