Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
