He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
