how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
