I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
