you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
