Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
