theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
