So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
