Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
