yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
