i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
