So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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