Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It's just like the Real World with babies
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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