My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
