ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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