pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
