My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
